I used to swear a lot, drink too much and eat Buffalo wings for a meal 3-4 times a week.  Today I rarely swear, have a beer occasionally with a meal, and eat Buffalo wings once in a blue moon.

Exchanging Habits

I didn’t get rid of my bad habits.  I exchanged them for new and better ones.  I believe, as Aristotle believed, that I am the sum total of my habits.  In other words:

How I am is Who I am.

Another description for Who I am is the word Character.

My character is my habitual way of operating.

Character Development

  • Begins with my thoughts
  • Which become my words
  • Which lead to my actions
  • My actions over time become my habits
  • My habits form my character

Changing One Bad Habit

Most New Year’s resolutions are focused on things like exercise and diet.  These are important goals.  Exercise and diet resolutions have everything to do with habits.  No surprise there.

But I want to challenge those reading this post today to change a different type of habit.  I’m talking about habits that form our character.  What are those?

Habits That Impact My Character – A Partial List

Obvious Habits

  • Dishonesty- Bold Faced Lies
  • Uncontrolled Anger
  • Negativity
  • Lust
  • Selfishness
  • Pride
  • Fear and/or insecurity

Less Obvious but Impactful Habits

  • Dishonesty- White lies, half-truths, lies of omission
  • Procrastination
  • Pornography
  • Arguing with referees at any K-12 sporting event
  • Conflict Avoidance
  • Difficulty admitting fault
  • Difficulty forgiving fault in others
  • Crude talk or behavior

To change our habits, we must change our routines of thoughts, words, and actions.

The book, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, does a great job laying out the research that now surrounds how we form new habits and break old ones.

The habit exchange I describe below is detailed in Duhigg’s book and follows the path to character that Aristotle laid out centuries ago.

Cue –> Routine –> Habit–> Reward

A cue triggers my routine that leads to my habit and provides me with a reward.

The key to changing a habit is changing the routine that leads to my habit.

The Power of Habit points out that I can’t go through life avoiding cues.  Temptation will always be present.  I must change my response to that temptation.  That response is a routine that progresses from thoughts, to words, to actions.

The routines that have preceded my habits are the key to exchanging negative habits for positive ones.

Habit Exchange- An Example

Character Trait:  Negativity

The Cue:  Just before a break in a planning meeting a new manager suggests a new approach to an old problem.

Current Routine

  • My Thoughts:  I think about all the other ideas that failed in the past.  I even tried something similar a few years ago.  Does this person have any idea of the time and expense of this plan?
  • My Words:  I whisper to the person next to me that the idea will never work.  I then express my doubts to others during a break.
  • My Actions:  When the meeting reconvenes, I systematically breakdown all the problems with this new idea.  As a result, the idea dies.
  • My Habit:  I consistently shoot down new ideas from more junior team members.
  • My Reward:  I am satisfied with my contribution to the team.

Character Trait:  Positivity

The Cue:  Just before a break in a planning meeting a new manager suggests a new approach to an old problem.

New Routine

  • My Thoughts:  Instead of first thinking about all the ways the idea won’t work, I try focus on one reason it will.
  • My Words:  I affirm the need for a solution with others during the break and turn our conversations towards making the idea work versus poking holes in it.
  • My Actions:  When the meeting reconvenes I share the discussions I had with others during the break.  I try to inspire problem solving in the group instead of problem finding.
  • My Habit:  I become a problem solver who makes new ideas work.  I am an innovator.
  • My Reward:  I am satisfied with my contribution to the team.

If I go through this process, my character changes.  I become innovative and a problem-solver instead of negative impediment to progress.

Habits and Rewards

The The Power of Habit also points out that for a new habit to take hold, the reward must be similar to the reward of the old habit.  In this case the reward was a feeling of satisfaction or accomplishment.

Habits are very unique to every individual.  The reward that some people may feel from a certain bad habit may be different from the reward someone else feels.

  • The habit of lust may reward one man with the feeling of being desired while for another man the reward is an escape from reality.
  • The inability to admit fault may reward one woman with a feeling of superiority while for another the reward is avoiding the fear of failure.

Changing My Thoughts, Words and Actions

To change my character, I must start with changing my thoughts.  Often that means changing what information or entertainment I allow to influence me.  It also means controlling the people I allow to influence my thoughts and words as well.

I truly believe that to exchange my negative habits for positive ones, I need to change from where and from whom I am receiving input.  For example, if I want to change my habit of negativity, I need to stop spending time with negative people.  I need to seek out the positive people around me, and spend time with them.

The Bottom Line:

What if each of us committed to change one bad habit that holds us back from who we could be?  What if by exchanging that one bad habit for a good habit, we could all become a better version of who we are right now?

That is a great New Year’s resolution.  We all can be better than who we are currently.  If I don’t believe that every day, then I probably have identified the bad habit I need to exchange:  PRIDE.

Question:

What bad habit have you changed that positively changed who you are – your character?