My headache began as soon as she started to speak. She and her counterpart were having issues – AGAIN! The crazy thing was both these people were talented and were great individual contributors.

But when I put them together, it was like oil and water. On this day, I had had it. I wanted the middle school style of drama to end and professionalism to reign. It was time for me to step in and end the insanity.

The Phone Calls

I began by listening to the woman who called me that day. I worked hard to understand her point of view. By the time she was done venting and blaming her counterpart, I was on her side.

When I called him, he groaned and told me his side of the story. He convinced me that he was the reasonable one, and that I did not need to be involved. He was a salesman and did a good job selling me on his side of the story.

The one thing both stories had in common was the communication between the two had all been done via email, text or on the phone. None of it was face to face.

That night I slept on it. When I woke up, I knew one thing for certain. The truth was somewhere in the middle.

Ending This Conflict – Fast

Once I got my workout in and ate breakfast, I sent a message to both of them. We were meeting at 2:00pm that day at a local coffee joint. I was not going to let this issue fester any longer. We were going to pop this pimple today. The only way to end the conflict was to force the two of them to meet face to face.

When everyone was face to face, I told each person to share the story they had told me about the issue. The only guideline I set was there would be no interruptions until the other person finished.

When both people had finished it was clear that we had a communication issue not a motives issue. Because of the poor communications, they both began to ascribe negative motives to each other. From there everything went downhill.

With a thirty minute face to face meeting, we had a revised plan and a cohesive duo ready to take on the world. An issue that had been growing for over a week, was handled in a half an hour.

Ending All Conflicts – Fast

The fastest way to end a conflict is to get face to face with the other person. Studies have shown that over 50% of all emails are misinterpreted. Most are misinterpreted because emails and text messages do not involve tone of voice or body language.

The reason many people continue in the cycle of email and text arguments stem from an issue of fear or pride. They either fear a face to face discussion or their pride won’t allow them to put themselves in a position to be wrong. Therefore they continue fighting over email.

My #2 viewed blog of all time is on this issue. You can read it by clicking on the title below:

The Four Word Response to an Angry Email

Most conflicts will not end until everyone gets in the same room together. If my people will not do it themselves, then I have to force the issue. This is a great lesson to teach your children as well.

If there is a conflict with a teacher or a coach, the child needs to get face to face with that adult and settle things. They need to do that with their friends as well. (So do their parents!)

The Bottom Line:

The fastest way to end a conflict with someone is to be in the same room with them. The ability to hear their tone of voice, see their body language and interpret their words accurately can only happen in this setting.

Before an issue escalates and becomes a series of misunderstandings spawned from incomplete and inadequate communication, the adults in the room need to step in and call a meeting.

Hopefully, the adults will be the individuals involved. But if not, then the leader needs to step in and force the teammates or the family members to get face to face and find a solution. The sooner the meeting happens the sooner everyone can move forward.

It is truly the difference between days and weeks of back and forth miscommunications or an inconvenient thirty minutes that ends the conflict before it goes too far.

Question:

When have you allowed a conflict to fester instead of meeting with someone face to face?