Leaders: 3 Poor Excuses To Say “No”
I’ve been that guy. I wanted everything to run smoothly so I would do as Nancy Reagan did and “Just Say No.”
Years later, in my rearview mirror, I realize by saying “No” too quickly, I damaged my team and the individuals on my team. I missed opportunities to develop better decision makers and therefore better leaders.
What was it about me as a leader that made me say “No” so quickly? I usually had 1 of 3 excuses for saying “No” and none of them were good.
“No” Is Too Easy
3 Poor Reasons To Say “No”
1. “No” Is Easy To Say
“No” is quick. Too often, the presentation of the idea dragged on longer than I was comfortable with so I gave a quick “No”. Honestly, I had made my decision in the first few moments of the presentation, and I did not need to hear much more.
Bad Reason:
Each time I did say a quick “No”, I saved myself some time. But, I side-stepped opportunities to coach. As a leader, a major part of my job is developing others.
What am I using my time for if I am not coaching the people who report directly to me? I often let projects and administrative work cause me to hurry past these coaching opportunities.
2. I Already Know The Result
Part of the reason I got paid the medium bucks was because I had the experience and/or the foresight to see problems before they happened. When an idea was brought to me, I often knew the result and that would prompt me to say “No”.
Bad Reason:
Again, by saying “No” I missed a coaching opportunity. At this point, I should have been asking open ended questions to help decipher the person’s thought process. Perhaps there was a better answer hidden inside their idea that they had not fleshed out yet. By saying “No” I would never find that out.
3. It’s Not The Way I’d Do It
Despite my firmly held belief that there are multiple ways to solve most problems, my ego often made me say “No” because someone proposed a solution different from my own.
Bad Reason:
I had to train myself to not say “No” in these cases. Someone else’s solution may seem less logical or efficient to me, but it does not make it wrong. The coaching opportunity comes after the fact in this case.
If their idea was in fact less efficient, then it is their experience that they will remember and not my lecturing. Coaching is a lot easier and memorable after a less than perfect result.
3 Alternatives To Saying “No”
1. “Tell me more…” –Ask For Their Thought Process
When I am tempted to say a quick “No” I’ve found asking someone to walk me through their thought process is a great way to diagnose a coaching opportunity.
Now I am coaching the decision making process. If I develop better decision makers, better results will follow. My projects and administrative work will have to wait.
For leaders, people should always come before projects and administrative work.
2. “Yes, if…” –Join Them In Making It Better
“I see what you are trying to do, but how can you make this better?” Again, I like to challenge their thought process. In this role, I am now using my experience and foresight to partner with them to finding a better solution.
3. “Yes”–Let Them Make Small Mistakes
If no one is going to be injured or killed then I let people make mistakes. People learn and remember more through experience then they do through theoretical learning. Until they try something and fail, my coaching is still all theory to them.
Read more on allowing mistakes: Mistake Proof Equals Growth Proof
The Bottom Line:
A leader who says “No” all the time is setting himself up to be a micromanager. Each time a leader says “No” he is developing a habit within his team that will force all decisions through him.
The side effect of that sort of culture is that people will stagnate below him. When they aren’t allowed to make decisions or are not coached on how to make better decisions the leader has set them up for mediocrity.
“No” may be quick. The results may seem obvious. Or their solution may not align with my way of thinking. But, these are poor excuses for saying “No”. Managers give only “Yes” and “No” answers. Leaders coach others to make wise decisions.
I want to be a leader. My dad, General Jim Anderson, used to say, “The true mark of a leader is what happens when he is not around.” If I have to be around to make all the decisions, then when I am gone, nothing will happen. Nothing is not the mark that I want to leave.
Question:
What is another alternative to saying “No”?
Good point here Dave. It is very easy to say no and maintain a state of complacency. Here is a question for you that I believe makes a manger even more productive. How do you achieve your objectives as a manager and at the same time have other people believe they not only achieved the objective but thought of the idea and executed the plan on their own?
That is a great question. I try to do it through a lot of open ended questions. “What would the next step be?” “Who do you think is the best person to accomplish that task? What makes them the best person for that task?”
I guide the questions to help them think through different scenarios. I have even asked those open ended questions to get them to answer SWOT. Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.
The questions are mine. The answers are theirs.
I heard an interesting bit on using improv (stay with me now) to improve leadership skills, esp in dynamic groups. This works really well with things you might say no to as written above. The theory was that in improv the players all say “Yes, and….” and then add to the story. I’ve found this works well enough to keep in the kit bag. When I break this one out I use the “and….” to take some nugget in the plan/idea suggested and either turn the base idea into something workable, or at least something that goes in the direction I want my organization to go. This keeps ownership of the idea with the person that brought it to you, and the personal investment they have in their own creative thinking while creating value for the organization and cutting down on wasted time. Some useful ways to finish that sentence are: …and if we added…and we could….and I wonder if it’s possible to…and I wonder if it would prove valuable to…and would it brief/pitch better if…etc
That is really good stuff! Thanks Mike.
I had a circumstance similar to this just this week. A contractor hired into a very mundane, menial task-by-task job asked me for some career advice. In truth he was fishing for a Business Analyst oppotunity on my team. As the business function he works in is not mine, I bristled for the first few minutes, content to say “You knew this was a grinder job when you accepted it–we told you that on the interview.”
I dug in a bit more after a few minutes, following a variant of the “Yes, if…” line above. I offered an example from my personal past during Desert Storm when the collation of seemingly meaningless statistics helped predict problems, and became a key performance indicator for the redeployment station I led.
The individual was in the position to gather the specific statistics in a way nobody else was, and with some simplistic coaching he’s on his way to providing unexpected value to the organization. If he plays his cards well, he may indeed find more opportunity.
DAB
Great story Doug. Great illustration. No is often fast and easy but you focused on the coaching he needed. Great job!
Dave,
My first tour was mech infantry Germany (80-82) and the word was always, “No!” The officer corps was stagnate, the troops were stagnate, and life was stagnate.
Basically, there seemed to be two choices: stagnate or find ways around the ‘no’. The operative phrase was, “It is better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” I found ‘other’ things to do and ‘other’ ways to get them done. I never slowed down and I never stopped.
The pros: it made me a better officer, a better leader, and helped me develop a better unit. The con: it was a lot of work, it involved risk, and it did not always endear me to my leaders.
Doing the right thing is rarely easy…but it is always the right thing!