In a hotel bar in Orlando, a peer of mine was acting like the south end of a north-facing horse during a convention we were attending…and I did nothing about it. I failed as a leader that night.

I am still disappointed in myself because I failed to act like a leader when someone needed to step forward. The situation was not a pretty one. I chose not to deal with an ugly situation, and therefore I failed to exercise Ugly Leadership.

My Un-Resume

My Un-Resume

Periodically, I share stories from my Un-Resume. These are my screw-ups that helped shape my thoughts on leading. They aren’t pretty.  But, I share them in the hope that others will learn from my mistakes.

Click on the titles below to read a few more of these stories:

Or to access all my Un-Resume moments click:  Un-Resume

Exercising Ugly Leadership Makes Me A True Leader

Being a leader does not mean I get to stay clean. In fact, being a leader means I often have to get dirty and do things that are distasteful to me.

If I only do what I feel like doing or what I like to do, I am not exercising True Leadership. I am a True Leader when I demonstrate I am willing to get involved in ugly or distasteful situations because it is the right thing to do.

I have witnessed many leaders do things I know they did not want to do. But, they stepped forward because it was the right thing to do.

  • A bench player on a basketball team getting water for a starter during a time out.
  • A salesperson staying after a three day off-site meeting to help pick up the work space so the boss is not left to clean alone.
  • A platoon leader taking turns digging a bunker and filling sandbags with his men in the 100 degree heat of the Iraqi desert.
  • A woman stepping forward and stopping the gossiping of her coworkers.
  • A supervisor rolling up his sleeves and doing a job well below his title when his team is short handed.

Four Lessons to Learn about Ugly Leadership

These leaders taught me something about exercising Ugly Leadership. They did the ugly stuff the right way. They were True Leaders because:

  1. They did not have to be told to do it.
  2. They did a distasteful thing because it was the right thing to do.
  3. They did not do it begrudgingly.
  4. They did it with quiet resolve and without drawing attention to themselves. 

The Bottom Line:

To be a True Leader, I do not need a title, but I do need to be willing to exercise Ugly Leadership.

I failed to be a True Leader in that bar in Orlando, because I did not want to get involved in a ugly situation. Because this guy was not someone I knew well, I ignored my responsibility as a leader.  I chose to avoid Ugly Leadership and therefore chose to not lead at all.

Leadership can be ugly at times. If I am not engaging in things that are uncomfortable, distasteful or just downright ugly, I am probably not leading.

When I watch a team, whether it is in sports or in business, I love to watch for the people who are willing to exercise Ugly Leadership. Those are the people I want on my team and those are the people I would gladly follow.

Question:

What other examples do you have of Ugly Leadership being True Leadership?

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