The Integrity Ripple Effect
Temptation hits me everyday. I am tempted by a lot of things I wish I wasn’t: French fries, Buffalo wings, the SI Swimsuit issue, naps, and sarcasm are just a few. This is just a sub-set of a much larger list.
But the most insidious temptation in my life is lying. What I used to call fibs, white lies, or exaggerations are truly the hardest temptations to beat.
With lies, one size fits all. I no longer qualify my lies. As with all lies, the ripple effects of fibs, white lies and exaggerations can cause a lot of damage.
For the sake of clarity, when I refer to lying, I am all-inclusive. These are all lies:
- Telling the policeman I didn’t know how fast I was going.
- Asking someone else to clock in for me.
- Telling my wife I am on my way when I haven’t left yet.
- Lying under oath in court.
- Claiming a larger role in a project than I actually played.
- Pointing to the other end of the court when I actually touched the ball last.
- Cheating on my taxes.
- Cheating on my wife.
There are no levels based on circumstances or the perceived magnitude of the consequences. If I do any of these things – I AM LYING!
The Integrity Ripple Effect
You may have heard the anecdote about a butterfly beating its wings in Arizona causing a dust storm on the other side of the globe. I am not insinuating that my lies have impact in China.
Unfortunately the impact of my lies, and yours, hit much closer to home. Circumstances or perceived consequences do not change the impact my lies can have on my character, my team or my family.
My Character
My character is the essence of who I am as a person. I believe my character is the sum total of my habits – the good ones and the bad ones.
If I succumb to the temptation to lie, no matter the circumstances or perceived consequences – I AM LYING.
If I give in to this temptation, I am not a man of integrity – I AM A LIAR.
That is the ripple effect. Any stone thrown in a pond creates ripples. A small lie or a big lie creates ripples in my character that change me for the worse.
Each time I give in to the voice in my head that tries to convince me the lie is not a big deal this time, it is easier to lie the next time. Conversely, each time I conquer the temptation, it becomes easier to beat the next time.
My Team
As a leader, if I have a low integrity threshold, so will my team. While my company or my team may claim to value integrity, the leader’s actions will do more to determine the integrity of the team than anything else.
However, I am not only addressing the people with the title. I am speaking to each of us, because we all wield influence on those we work around.
Whatever title we hold, our lies impact those around us. The lies of the leader are a straight shot of poison into the bloodstream of a team. The lies of a team member are just as poisonous but may take longer to kill.
With each lie, the team changes. Trust becomes a liability instead of an asset. As soon as anyone identifies a liar, trust across the whole team breaks down. When that happens, selfishness and politics become the true character of my team and I am to blame.
My Family
I am creating liars at home:
- When I do my child’s science project for him.
- When I write a note, with a bogus excuse for my child to miss school so we can leave on vacation early.
- When I call the coach and claim my child has a headache so I do not have to drive to practice today.
It takes discipline for an over-extended, over-worked and over-stressed parent to fight the temptation to lie in these circumstances. It may seem to make my life easier at the moment, but the ripples can carry on for generations.
I believe my children will remember my actions longer than they will remember my words. The longer I am around teenagers, the more I realize how much they hate hypocrites.
If I preach one thing to them but they see me do another, should I be surprised when I lose their respect and they begin to rebel?
I was told a long time ago, that with kids, more is caught than taught. No matter how much I preach integrity to my children, if they see me lie, they will emulate my actions.
The Bottom Line:
If I believe my lies do not impact my character, my team, and my family, I am not only a liar, I am a fool as well!
I am not claiming it is easy to beat temptation. There are no temptations that are not common to all of mankind. The good news is, they are our temptations not our destinies.
I am always provided with a way out of temptation if I look. I have choices. I have a choice to fight for my integrity or to join the common masses who justify away their lies.
I must believe a lie is a lie. I must believe my integrity is the most valuable and most controllable asset I have in life. I must fight the temptation to justify my lies with circumstances or consequences. Only fools use those arguments.
I was that fool for too long. But at a certain point, I decided I was no longer going to be a lying fool. I wanted to be a man of integrity.
I wanted to be a man I believed in, my team believed in and my family believed in. I wanted the ripples of my actions to have a positive effect on my character, my team, and my family.
The ripple effect of integrity goes both ways. Give in to temptation and I will cause more damage than I can see. Beat temptation, and I could change the course of my life and that of everyone around me.
Question:
What temptation to lie can you fight today?
Dave Anderson is coauthor of the Amazon Best-Seller Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home with his father General James L. Anderson (USA Retired).
You can order Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:
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Great post – an essential quality.
How about – “Tell them I’m in a meeting,” when someone just doesn’t want to talk. How about the ripple effect of having your employee tell that lie for you?
Without integrity and trust there is no effective communication.
The other side of this conversation is… if you have lied – make it right. That will restore and strengthen relationships.
Great example!
When was the last time you heard someone ask for forgiveness at work? It is rare indeed. But it is healing in many situations.
Dave –
I can completely agree with each section of this post. I can say I try to apologize after lying or doing something to affect how my character is perceived. The first time I did this was many years ago, in fact about 12 years. I was a manager in an office and had not handled myself well, abusing power and yes, lying. In order to restore my credibility, I had to make a grand gesture to everyone in the office, not just my direct employees. I gathered them up before work started for the day, made my apology and stated that I know I was walking around with egg on my face, hoped they could all forgive me and I was truly sorry. I then took and egg, and smashed it on my forehead. Yes, really. Needless to say, we all started over and I am still friends with come of them today. I try to remember that daily, so that I do not EVER have to do that again.
That is a great story!
Another great article , Dave. So true! And the comment above is very relevant too. And how about “yes, I’ve read your email/project report” etc
I was in Austin Texas a couple of weeks ago – what a great town and State!
I wasn’t born in Texas but I got here as soon as I could!
The same thing happens beyond personal attitudes, when you are talking about companies or corporate communication styles. When you have not a templation, but an order from top levels to lie or mantain lies around your corporation or the messages you must give to the rest of your team, then you need to evaluate seriusly, because seems like is time to live that work.
At work, we must all evaluate whether I value my integrity more than complying with such low character decisions from my company.
I submit that my integrity is one of the most valuable and controllable things I have. No job or promotion is worth sacrificing it for.
It is not easy to do. But I can sleep well every night knowing I did not bend when I have my integrity challenged.
I agree with you Dave. And I also believe in the fact that sooner or later things most change in a positive way if increases the amount of people with such integrity values.
Some day this ripple effect of integrity most be more powerful than the established system of the current society, where goverments at any lavel lie us (even spy us), parties lie us, massive communications media also use to lie to the people; all of them in order to mantain us into the “matrix”, living in a virtual world, the one they want to convince us is the right one.
True. But it all begins with us. It is the only thing we can control.
True story, my Dad always looked at the bill at the restaurant. One time when we were in Belgium, he went up to tell the waiter that the bill was wrong. The waiter apologized, but it took him a good while to realize my Dad meant that he wasn’t charged enough. Made a huge impression on the waiter…as well as us kids. Just last week, David and I were out and did not get charged for something and we went back in to pay the appropriate amount. Lasting impressions indeed!
Great example of how long the ripples of our actions continue to have influence on our character and the character of those we touch!