Five Battles Between Fear and Character
There is a war that rages inside most of us. The combatants are Fear and Character. The weapons used in this war are our hearts and our heads.
In my case, like in most wars, my character wins some of the battles and my fear wins some. But, which one will win the war?
The winner will be the one that is strongest, most prepared and most determined to win each battle.
Fear or Character – Strength Comes From Exercising
5 Battles Between Fear and Character
Each of us will face our own battles in the war between Fear and Character. Our choices in those battles will often determine the victor.
The more battles Fear wins, the closer it comes to winning the war. The more battles Character wins, the closer it comes to winning the war and exiling fear to my past.
Usually my head’s the weapon of choice fear wields. Character, on the other hand will use my head and my heart. Because my character has both weapons, it has the potential to win every battle. It all depends on how often I decide to fight.
This is a list of five battles between Fear and Character, the weapons used, and how character can triumph.
1. Staying Quiet versus Speaking Up
Fear – Fear uses my head to tell me that if I say something I may get fired. I then imagine being out of work and the financial and emotional hardship on my family.
Character – Character will win when it uses my head to remind me that no one in my company has ever been fired in the past for speaking up. If someone had been fired in the past, they landed on their feet and were much happier in a better situation.
Character will also use my heart to remind me that my wife, my children and my friends will see strength in me and believe in who I am.
My heart will also remind me that this is the type of person I always wanted to be.
2. Clinging to the Status Quo versus Trying Something New
Fear – Fear uses my head to remind me that the status quo is easy to predict. There are few risks with the status quo because there are few surprises. Fear will also use my head to remind of a time when something new failed.
Character – Character will win when it uses my head to remind me that everything is changing around me whether I want it to or not. My head also reminds me that at one point the status quo was new as well, and we now laugh at the old status quo.
Character will also win when my heart reminds me that a life of avoiding change will leave me isolated and distant from the rest of the world. My influence will diminish with the people around me including those I love most. My heart will remind me of the pure exhilaration I’ll have when that new thing works.
My heart will also remind me this is the type of person I always wanted to be.
3. Lying To Avoid Discomfort versus Telling the Truth
Fear – Fear will use my head to convince me a little white lie will avoid the conflict that will come if I tell the truth in this situation. A quick but simple lie will allow us to spend our time together in a more positive way.
Character – Character will win when it uses my head to remind me to weigh the consequences of disappointing someone with a lie they discover themselves later versus disappointing them with the truth that I share willingly now.
Character will also win when my heart reminds me that my integrity is the only thing in my life that I have 100% control over. My character will use my heart to help me realize being completely trusted by others is worth the initial pain the truth may cause.
My heart will also remind me this is the type of person I always wanted to be.
4. Staying On The Sidelines versus Stepping in to Help
Fear – Fear will use my head to convince me getting involved would be time consuming and potentially create problems with all my other commitments. My head will also tell me I really don’t have any skill or resources that would be helpful.
Character – Character will use my head to remind me that I waste a lot of time on personal entertainment while others take the time to help out. My head will also point to people who seem to be busier than I am but step in consistently.
Character will also use my heart to point out that those helpful busy people also seem to walk through life less stressed and more joyful. Plus, my heart will remind me that by stepping in to help, I will become someone other people know they can count on.
My heart will also remind me this is the type of person I always wanted to be.
5. Waiting for Others to Lead versus Taking The Lead
Fear – Fear will use my head to tell me that others should lead and are probably more capable of leading. My head will also take me into the future when I will be asked to lead in more areas that I am sure I am not prepared for.
Character – Character will use my head to remind me that without leadership nothing will get done. My head will begin to point to my opportunities to influence the outcome and make a positive impact.
Character will also use my heart to show me that if I truly want a life of significance, the only thing that will outlast me on Earth is my impact on others. What my family and my friends will remember about me is how I impacted their lives.
My heart will also remind me this is the type of person I always wanted to be.
The Bottom Line:
Though Fear and Character are waging war inside of each of us, they both have at least one trait in common. They both need exercise in order to stay strong.
The more we work them out, the stronger they will be. Conversely, the more we ignore them, the weaker each will get.
Some people live their lives in fear. They live life avoiding or running from things. They compromise on the things they claim to value, because the grip that Fear has on them feels like a vice.
Other people seem fearless. They consistently stand strong and even run towards risk. They hold onto their values and guard their Character with a vengeance. Their character is seems unwavering.
Whatever we exercise becomes stronger. With each decision, with each choice something grows stronger – either Fear or Character.
Question:
Which one gets the most consistent exercise in your life – Fear or Character?
You hit the nail right, square on the head with these! The thing that worries me most is the number people I see today who are fearful – both in the modern miitary and outside. What do you think has caused this shift?
One thing that has caused this shift is so many leaders believe a mistake should be the end of someone’s job. The truth is wisdom comes from screwing things up. Without experiencing failure, we will never reach our potential.
I also think there needs to be an addition to #3. Lying doesn’t have to be a big or little lie. It can also be an omission or half truth. And while these may be less painful when they are discovered, they are still based on fear. Fear says “Will this person’s feelings be hurt if I really tell them how they are doing.” Character responds “Maybe, but it is my job as a leader to give them the truth. They will be better for it in the long run.”
I agree. No matter what you call them, they are all lies.
I define candor as saying what needs to be said, when it needs to be said, to whom it needs to be said.
Honesty is the best policy. Lie always catches up with the liar eventually. It’s best to be honest and let the chip falls where it may. You have to live your life by principle and have a standard by which you make decision otherwise you will be ship wrecked. Character should always win in spite of fear. That’s my personal philosophy.