I spent a long time believing that if I was good at something, I needed to tell people about it. I thought it was a sign of confidence. Looking back, I realize I turned a lot of people off with that attitude.

Few people would argue that confidence is not an important trait for successful individuals and leaders to possess. But like many positive traits, confidence out of control can be a weakness. I had to learn that confidence and humility can coexist in the same person.

Just Add Humility!

Confidence tempered with humility is rare. Like many things that are rare, this combination is a valuable commodity.

When Confidence Is Tempered By Humility

Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, and Jesus Christ are three historical figures that had both.

They believed in themselves and their causes. They spoke with strength and led movements that changed their societies and arguably the world as a result.

Yet you rarely heard them speak about themselves. If you did, they shared their accomplishments in a way that brought glory to others and not to themselves.

Peyton Manning and Coach Mike Krzyzewski, are two examples from the world of sports today.   Again, when you hear them speak, they deflect attention towards others. If they are in the spotlight, they do everything they can to shine it on others.

In each of these examples, I see a confidence that rarely, if ever crossed the line to arrogance. These are all people most of us would love to follow and emulate. So why do so many of us have trouble with the idea that these two traits can coexist in the same person?

When Confidence Becomes Arrogance

As I said, confidence and humility coexisting in one person is rare. There are many more examples in history and in sports of confidence becoming arrogance.

This is a line that I crossed on a regular basis in my younger years. In fact, I still cross this line at times. I still struggle when my ego takes control, and I become boastful.

How do I know when I cross that line?

• When I am more concerned about how I look versus what was actually accomplished.
• When I place myself at the center of the story as opposed to being  just part of the story.
• When I use a lot of adjectives to describe me or my accomplishments. (best, exceptional, strongest, fastest, or other comparative adjectives.)

Confidence With Humility

I continue to work on finding the balance between confidence and humility. When I fail, I can usually trace my boastfulness back to my need for recognition and/or my insecurity.

My resume has a lot of accomplishments listed on it. These are facts. Why do I need to dress them up with a lot of adjectives that only make me feel better about myself? The facts should speak for themselves.

When I am asked about myself or my accomplishments, I try to avoid marketing myself and focus on the facts.

• My team was #4 out of 70.
• I finished the year at 119% above goal.
• We finished the project under-budget and ahead of schedule.

These are facts that are indisputable. When someone asks me, “How did these things get accomplished?”, I discuss my actions factually, but also acknowledge others who made it all possible.

The Bottom Line:

Humility is not synonymous with lack of confidence. Humility is actually a display of confidence. When I do not need to beat my own chest and market myself to those around me, that is real confidence.

Humility is not synonymous with passivity either. No one would ever consider Mandela, Ghandi, Jesus, Peyton Manning or Coach K, passive leaders. They did not let people walk all over them. The strength of their convictions and belief in their abilities made them leaders of action.

Confidence is a strength. Humility is a strength. When they are paired in the same person, we all are blessed by their presence in our lives.

That is always one of my goals. Do others feel blessed because I have some influence on their lives? I hope that is something we would all aspire to achieve.

Question:

What other ways can confidence and humility be displayed in one person?