Situation #1: On the way to the grocery store you drive by a friend parked on the shoulder with a flat tire.

Situation #2: On the way to the grocery store you drive by a stranger on the shoulder with a flat tire.

Who has the better odds of you stopping to help? Your friend. Why? Because you know them. It is easier to focus on yourself when you don’t have a relationship with someone who may be in need.

Isolation Creates Selfishness

In fact if you are like me, when you see that stranger stranded on the side of the road, you begin to rationalize your behaviors.

• “I’m not dressed for this.”
• “It’s just a flat tire.”
• “If it were a woman, I’d stop. A guy should be able to change his own tire.”
• “My day is packed. Stopping would put me behind.”

Isn’t it interesting how these excuses are valid when we see a stranger stranded, but invalid when it is someone we know?

Isolation Leads to Selfishness

Why do some teams consistently behave selfishly? One reason is demonstrated in the scenario above. If people on a team do not know each other, they are more likely to act selfishly.

The issue is not always an issue of geography. I experienced teams that are spread over multiple states who are unselfish, and teams that work on the same floor who are selfish. Geography does not determine whether I have an affiliated group of selfish individuals or a cohesive high functioning team.

A lack of relationships among team members creates a “me first” attitude in many people. When I do not know someone beyond her job description, it is very easy to focus on my own selfish desires.

Example: Eliminating Isolation

As a leader in the corporate world, I often led teams that worked in areas 5 to 10 hours away from each other. In those situations, I made an intentional effort to reverse the effects of isolation.

I planned work days where two people separated by geography would work together. One person working in another’s territory for a full day, created a camaraderie that carried over after the work day. They were no longer strangers. They shared college stories, family adventures, work struggles and a lot of laughs.

As I created opportunities for more and more people to build relationships, isolation became a thing of the past. The team began to meld. Friends began to help friends. Selfishness became a thing of the past.

Ideas for Eliminating Isolation

Here is a list of ideas I compiled watching good leaders build unselfish teams. Each idea is meant to build a relationship between two people at work who had not known each other in the past.

• Work days together (see example above)
• Room mates at conventions/meetings (mix it up at every opportunity)
• Create project teams (mix up the status quo)
• Establish Mentor/Mentee relationships
• Change the office layout (no more isolated desks)
• Arrange coffee breaks so different people spend time together
• Team breakfasts before work starts (no work discussion allowed)
  • Share favorite movie, books, TV shows
  • Share funniest story from childhood
  • Share weekend stories
  • Share event in life that shaped you the most

None of these ideas are a cure-all remedy for selfish behavior. But they may help people establish some common ground where there was none before.

It is easier when we know someone, to offer a helping hand than it is when dealing with a stranger. As leaders we can create that environment by eliminating isolation.

The Bottom Line:

The isolation that creates selfishness can occur even in the closest of quarters. In the Army I witnessed some soldiers who lived and worked in tanks together, that were just a loose group of isolated individuals.

I was also fortunate to be on a leadership team spread across 1/3 of the United States that looked out for the best interests of each teammate because we were not emotionally isolated from each other.

By creating opportunities for individuals to build relationships at work, a leader takes a critical step towards eliminating isolation among the team members and thus creating relationships that will lead to cohesion and selflessness.

My favorite definition of teamwork is:

Selfless acts towards a common goal.

Eliminating the isolation between teammates is often the key to creating an environment where selfless acts are the norm.

To read a blog that breaks down this definition of teamwork, click on the following title:

Teamwork:  A Navy SEAL’s Definition

Question:

What else can a leader do to create relationships among formerly isolated team members?

P.S.

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