Leadership Is Uncomfortable
She looked me in the eyes and said, “I am not having any fun.” Sandy was obviously frustrated while trying to lead her peers. Sandy was trying to lead them through a leadership “ropes course”.
I smiled at her and said, “It’s not supposed to be fun for you. You are the leader.” Sandy learned a lot that day. Perhaps the biggest thing she learned was being a leader can be uncomfortable.
In fact, I believe leadership should be uncomfortable if I am doing it right!
This isn’t going to be easy!
The Myth
Many people look up at their leaders and believe things are easier for the people above them on the org chart. I used to think that…when I was at the bottom of the org chart.
I saw the larger paycheck and the travel as the perks of leading. I was determined to grow and get better so I could be a leader someday and enjoy myself.
In fact, I know now that great leaders never believe they have arrived. They never believe they are done growing.
My 80 year old father, who was an instructor at the Army Ranger School, served two combat tours in Vietnam, earned a Silver Star and retired as a Brigadier General still reads books on leadership and attends leadership conferences.
Great Leaders Value Growth
Great leaders want to grow, and they know growth is not easy. Rarely in life do we grow during times of comfort and plenty. We tend to grow the most when our circumstances make things difficult.
But, great leaders don’t wait for negative circumstances to provide growth opportunities. Great leaders look for ways to create those opportunities for themselves. They know if they are comfortable, they are probably not growing.
Great Leaders Break A Sweat
If I never break a sweat when I work out, I am probably not getting any stronger. It is the same for leaders. If I am not uncomfortable, I am probably not growing.
After many years of being highly engaged in my job, and consistently learning, I became comfortable. I had my job figured out. I was putting in fewer hours and having better results than a lot of my peers. Life was good. But, I became bored!
In fact, I had gotten so comfortable, I am sure I did not grow for 24 months. I needed a change. I needed to do something to begin growing again. I needed to be uncomfortable. I needed to break a sweat!
3 Ways Leaders Break A Sweat
1. Do Something New:
For me, not leading was new. On a missions trip to Uganda four years ago, I pledged to keep my mouth shut and follow. There were good people in charge. I was just going to follow directions and serve.
I kept asking over and over, “What do you want me to do?” Wherever I was told to go, I went. I even bit my tongue when I thought things should be done differently. Man, it was hard!
I was humbled by the realization that I probably jump in too often and take charge. I learned that lesson by doing exactly the opposite. I followed and I served. Period.
There is a time to lead and there is a time to follow. I learned that in Uganda.
2. Do Something Hard:
Everything is hard before it gets easy. If I only do what I am already comfortable doing, I will never do anything new and never grow.
I recently ended two years as Chairman of the Elder Board at my church. I did not want to take on the job because it was going to be hard. Leading volunteers is leadership at its purest form. It is all about influence. You are not their boss, and they can quit at any time.
When I was asked to take on that role, my response was “I don’t want to be Chairman of the Elder Board!”
My friend and Senior Pastor Ross Strader’s response was, “That is probably why you are the man for the job.”
My time leading the church WAS hard. Boy did I sweat! But, I also grew tremendously.
Just because something may be hard, does not mean I should avoid it. On the contrary, being hard is probably the very best reason to try it.
3. Do Something Hated:
Just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it. If I only do the things I like, my growth will likely plateau. When a leader plateau’s, the team will soon follow.
Not long ago, I was meeting with a CEO who was about to say “Yes” to joining a six month leadership development program I run (Frontline Leaders Program).
When I told him we incorporated role play exercises into our training, he quickly told me he didn’t do role plays and decided not to join the class. He said he hated doing “role plays” because they made him feel foolish and uncomfortable.
That’s when I told him that if he wanted to get better at coaching, but would only participate in things that made him comfortable, I could guarantee him he wasn’t going to grow.
This CEO signed up for the six month program. He hated every one of the role plays we did. But, he grew! He recently told me what a challenge it had been, but he now feels better equipped in coaching situations as a result.
The Bottom Line:
Great leaders see tough times as new challenges to conquer and to grow from. Others only see the obstacles in their path and cry about them instead of figuring out how to conquer them.
Great leaders see a clear path and decide they need to put some new goals or hurdles out in order to grow. Others see the clear path and walk it without breaking a sweat and never growing.
Leadership isn’t comfortable. If you want to be a leader someday, be prepared to be uncomfortable.
If you want to be a great leader, then be sure you are not avoiding uncomfortable situations and even creating some of your own to insure you are growing.
Question:
What is something new, hard, or hated that you experienced growth from? When was the last time you experienced one of those on purpose?
Dave,
You are sure correct, my years in the Marine Corps taught me this same lesson, I have forgotten it a few times over the years, and have always regretted it afterward.
Thank you for sharing, Dave. I agree with some of your supporting points (e.g., Great leaders never believe they are done growing, and that they value growth, and that they don’t wait for negative circumstances), and I fully understand what you mean by “uncomfortable.”
I would like to add though that more than thirty years of working with successful leaders in business, healthcare, military, politics and law enforcement — plus teaching and coaching and blogging and writing books and articles on the subject, I am convinced of the opposite: True leaders are always completely comfortable.
I have NEVER found leadership for anyone who excels at it, to be even the slightest bit “uncomfortable.”
Those with true leadership skills simply go with the flow.
Except –for example– when a top performer (in sales, for instance) is promoted to a manager post and is suddenly expected to get things done through motivating others vs. continuing to do the performance tasks her or his self– your post suggests a level of self-torment I have not seen or experienced along the way.
Perhaps it is that strong leaders have an innate (or learned), deep sense of self-worth which translates to high performance levels and high self-confidence values. And(to borrow a Kennedyesque thought) perhaps it is that true leaders simply “see things as they are and say why not?”