When I was promoted, I arrived at my first managers meeting having only met one of my peers.  The group had a history together. I was an outsider.  Over time, they all became my good friends.  But, we had a rocky beginning.

After a number of months, I realized that a few people believed I was a “brown-noser”.  What I considered sharing others considered showboating.  When I thought I was leading, some thought I was grand standing.

I spent some time soul searching over this issue.  Were they right?  Should I keep quiet in meetings because of the effect it had on the other managers?  No. 

What are my motives?

I realized that I could not let their attitudes prevent me from being a leader.  I’ll admit I needed to work on my delivery at times.  But, my motives were pure.

The Key Is Motives

“What is my motive for sharing this?”  That is the filter I use before speaking up in meetings.  If I am trying to help others and build a stronger team, I need to speak up.  If what I want to share serves me and no one else, I need to shut up.

I know some people will always roll their eyes and whisper to others during breaks.  I don’t care.  I know my motives.  If my motivation is to help others, then I have an obligation as a leader to speak at that moment.

I wish others were not so suspicious of my motives.  But, I have seen people with good motives stay silent in meetings because of what their peers may think.

Staying Quiet Instead Of Speaking Up

As a professional facilitator, I see it all the time.  I ask a group a question and all I hear are crickets.  It amazes me that professional adults can act like scared middle school children and succumb to peer pressure from a few bullies with bad attitudes.

As a result:

• Meetings are often didactic and boring.
• Problems are rarely aired, and therefore rarely solved.
• The team is stagnant at best and dysfunctional at worst.

But What About The Brown-Nosers?

I see people who seem to be brown-nosing in meetings.  Honestly, it gets on my nerves as well.  The key for me is to not ascribe negative motives to them.  I try to look at what they are saying versus why they may be saying it.

If I focus on those things, I find I can still learn something no matter the speaker’s motives.  In fact, it is pretty arrogant of me to think I know someone else’s motives without actually knowing much about them as a person. Most of us are not good at reading another person’s motives.

For another blog on motives click on this title:  I Know Your Motives

The Bottom Line:

Over time, my motives became clearer to others on that first management team.  Once they understood my motives, my contributions began to be seen as efforts to improve others, not to promote myself.

Leaders lead. Period.  If the right thing to do is to speak up, a leader speaks up.

If I am speaking up to make me look good, that’s marketing not leadership. 

The key is motives.  If I am about to speak, I need to be sure my motives are centered on the well being of others and not on myself.  The attitudes of my intended audience should not determine whether I lead.

Only I can determine that.  If I know my motives are genuine, then I can be sure that I am leading and not brown-nosing.

Question:

When have you let the attitudes of others, keep you from speaking up?