Email is a terrible way to communicate.  There are multiple studies showing about 50% of all emails are misinterpreted.  My experience and your experience probably support that fact.

I have received angry emails from my customers, my peers and my leaders through the years.  They can make me both angry and frustrated.  Unfortunately, the way I choose to respond to those emails usually escalates the emotions involved.

We all have a choice in how we respond to these messages.

How Not To Respond

The Immediate Reply

Bad move.  Most immediate replies are a response to what I perceive to be a challenge to my character or my competence.  I respond with my pride.

I feel wronged, therefore I am going to defend myself.  My emotions are high.  So I pound out a quick response on the keyboard explaining myself, my motives, or my situation.  Usually I include the reasons the sender is wrong about the conclusions he has made.

When I attempt to do all that via an immediate reply on email, I almost guarantee an immediate reply from the other person that restates their position.

Nothing gets accomplished except each person validating themselves, invalidating the other person and creating more angst.

The Reply All

I am sorry.  But this is a ridiculous and cowardly way to handle a conflict.  The Reply All brings other people into the conflict in order to protect my position and reputation.  Again, my pride has taken over.

When someone has included others in their angry email to me, I want to defend myself in the court of public opinion.  Using this method means I am more concerned about validating myself than finding a solution. 

In actuality, most of the people on the receiving end of the Reply All do not want hear about my problems. They just want me to solve them because they have work to do.

The CCing of The Boss

As a person who’s been in charge of teams, I have been copied in on some pretty childish email arguments.  I’ve been told I was included because they “just wanted to keep me informed.”

What this informs me of is my people cannot handle problems on their own.  It tells me I may have to mediate a conflict between two adults just like I did with my children when they were in middle school.

When a boss is brought into one of these email altercations, neither party looks good.  They are more likely to look like prideful and petulant children.

The 4 Word Response

I have learned a simple four word response to angry emails that has served me well.  I believe if everyone used this response, a lot of wasted time and emotions would be eliminated from the work place.

When Can We Meet?

That’s it.  I’ve decided I will only respond to an angry email with a face-to-face meeting.  If geography makes that difficult, Skype is the next best answer. Why?

*Effective Communication is:

  • 7% the words I use.

  • 38% my tone of voice.

  • 55% my body language.

* This study was actually looked at the effective communication of emotions.  It used single words and not whole sentences.  However I do believe these lessons still apply to larger communications even if the percentages may change.

Based on this breakdown, email misses 93% of what makes effective communication possible.  A phone call is better because it misses only 55%.  But ultimately a face-to-face meeting is the best way to communicate in these situations.

Plus, by asking for a meeting, I have time to put my pride and emotions to the side.  If my ultimate goal is to find a solution, pride and anger will do little to get us to any sort of resolution.

It is crazy to me that people who work in the same building or even on the same floor, would engage in an angry email exchange.

As leaders we need to get off our rear ends and walk down the hall to face the issue. If our people are engaged in this activity, we need to tell them to handle it face-to-face from now on.

The Bottom Line:

To me, it doesn’t matter if I have been wronged.  It doesn’t matter the tone I perceive the sender to have in that angry email.  What matters is finding a solution.

The best way to diffuse the situation and find a resolution is to set up a meeting.  All this takes is a little self-control, a little courage, and the desire to find a solution.

When can we meet?

This four word response has helped me exercise self-control, courage, and problem solving.  As a result I handle angry emails in a much more efficient and honorable manner than in my past.

Question:

How much time gets wasted at work as a result of angry emails?