Martin’s reputation for arrogance preceded him. He was assigned to our leadership team whether we wanted him to be there or not.

I decided to ignore his reputation and form my own opinions about Martin. I never tried harder to like someone in my entire life.   Unfortunately, the rumors about Martin were accurate.

Confidence is a desirable trait in a leader. But Martin was not confident. He was flat out arrogant.

He Claimed To Be Confident

There were times when Martin seemed to let his guard down. In one of those moments, Martin stated, “I know some people don’t like me. People are always intimidated by confidence. They are just insecure.”

Ironically, I now conclude that Martin was one of the most insecure people I ever worked beside. Insecurity and arrogance often go hand in hand, while insecurity and confidence are opposites.

Three Signs Separating Confidence From Arrogance

An up and coming leader recently asked me how to avoid crossing the line between confidence and arrogance. What a great question! With some thought, I have narrowed it down to three things.

Humility

A confident leader does not see his mistakes as a sign of his weakness. He sees them as a sign of his humanity. He admits his mistakes to his superiors, his peers, his employees and his family.

The confident leader is secure enough to say, “It’s my fault. Please forgive me.” The arrogant leader may never say those words, because his insecurity won’t allow him to.

Click on the following blog title to read more about the relationship between confidence and humility:

Can Humility and Confidence Coexist?

Leaders, we should regularly ask ourselves:

“When was the last time I publicly admitted to my weaknesses or mistakes?”

Listening

A confident leader is a good listener. She is very comfortable being quiet and not always having center stage or getting the last word. She listens longer and asks more questions than others.

A confident leader is secure enough to ask for the opinions of others AND truly make changes based on the feedback of others. The arrogant leader may ask for other’s opinions, but rarely implements or even considers another person’s ideas or solutions.

In the end the arrogant leader may claim to listen to others, but more often then not, she is just preparing to make her own arguments.

Leaders, we should regularly ask ourselves:

“Am I really listening to others, or am I just waiting to talk?”

Growth

A confident leader is always growing. He is secure enough to know that he can and should gain wisdom from other people. He actively seeks new information and wise counsel.

The true mark of a confident leader is he is not the same leader he was twelve months ago. The arrogant leader is stagnant. His way of leading does not change, and he may even boast about that.

In the end, the arrogant leader gets left behind because the confident leaders are secure enough to believe they still have a lot to learn and want to truly get better at their craft.

Leaders, we should regularly ask ourselves:

“What have I done to become a better version of myself in the last twelve months?”

The Bottom Line:

People are inspired by confidence and repelled by arrogance. Martin felt like people were repelled by his confidence. But, what he demonstrated was arrogance. Martin did not see – or maybe did not want to see – the difference.

As leaders, if we want to display the confidence that attracts others. The best way we can demonstrate that confidence is through humility, listening and growth.

If I see a leader who can openly own her weaknesses, truly listens to others and is on a consistent pursuit to become a better leader and a better person, I will follow her to hell and back.

That’s the type of confidence I want in a leader. That’s the type of confidence Martin was missing. It is also the type of confidence that our superiors, our peers, our employees and our families want to follow.

Question:

Who is the most confident and humble leader you have ever met?

Dave Anderson is author of Becoming a Leader of Character – Six Habits that Make or Break a Leader at Work and at Home.

You can find Becoming a Leader of Character on Amazon by clicking here:

bit.ly/LOCBook.

You can also find Becoming a Leader of Character at Barnes and Noble, Books-a-Million and other retailers.