Some people are joy suckers.  They can enter any situation and suck the fun right out of the room.  It is a gift really.  A gift I appreciate as much as a good case of pink eye.  The unfortunate thing is, a bad attitude is just as contagious.

We can all have off days.  This is not what I am talking about.  I am talking about people who choose to have a bad attitude on a consistent basis.  A bad attitude is a choice.  I discussed that in:  Your Attitude Is A Choice:  Make A Different Choice.

But what is the cornerstone issue someone is dealing with?  What does that person need to change to become a joyful person versus a joy sucker?  They need less – self.

It Starts With Self

Self – The Origin of The Pity Party

When things don’t go their way, a self-involved person develops a bad attitude.  Self-pity is usually at the core of most bad attitudes.  It makes sense since the joy suckers only see the world through a selfish lens.

As a result, someone wallowing in self-pity has a distorted view of reality.  They can only see their world crashing down around them, even though you see they have a myriad of opportunities.

They can’t see the opportunities because they have filtered them out by using the Me Filter.

The Me Filter 

Most people who chronically have a bad attitude only see the world in relation to themselves.  The joy suckers run everything through the “Me Filter” before they think of anything else.

The Me Filter comes in many forms:

  • How does this help me?
  • How does this hurt me?
  • How will I have to change now?
  • I don’t see how this will help me.
  • This makes no sense for me.
  • That is not how I do things.
  • Nobody asked me.
  • They think I am not important.
  • They never listen to me.
  • They don’t understand me.
  • They are against me.
  • Nothing goes my way.
  • If I don’t take care of me, who else will?
  • I have to look out for #1.

Yes, I’ve found these people may have a valid point now and then.  They could even be right when they tell us that things need to be different.  But, I rarely take them seriously, and I am not alone.

The reason joy suckers lose credibility is because we know that person is more focused on themselves than solving any problem.  What I realized after awhile is that these people rarely offer solutions.  They only offer complaints.

Less Self = Selfless

As I have stated in the past:  Being selfless doesn’t mean I think less of myself.  It just means I think of myself less.

Try to name a selfless person who has a bad attitude?  Those who focus on others, rarely display bad attitudes.  Perhaps the joy suckers need to spend more time thinking of others than they do thinking about themselves.

The Bottom Line:

A cornerstone is the first stone of a foundation.  The cornerstone often determines the strength and viability of the entire structure.  The cornerstone of most of my bad attitudes is my incapacity to stop thinking about myself.  I will get stuck until my wife or another good friend points out my self-focus.

Self-focus is the cause of most pity-parties and bad attitudes.  My problems shrink dramatically when I stop using the Me Filter and begin to use a better filter.

A classic filter to insure a consistently good attitude was popularized in the 70’s by the movie Brian’s Song and the book I Am Third:

  • God First
  • Others Second
  • And I Am Third

I am convinced that the joy suckers of the world would be dramatically changed if they adopted the I Am Third Filter.  Think of it – no more attitudinal pink eye. Plus, the contagious attitude they exhibit would be worth catching!

Question:

In your experience, when has a leader’s self focus brought down the attitude of the entire team?