Three Times A Leader’s Feelings Are Irrelevant
The team was sure their boss had emotional issues. “He could fly off the handle at any minute! If he doesn’t like you, your life will be hell. He really has a bad temper.”
The leader was losing his team. He called it passion. They called it unpredictable. He did not want to ignore his feelings. They wanted him to be more predictable.
As a Leader of Character, there are times when my feelings are irrelevant. I give up the right to be controlled by my emotions when I take on a leadership role.
How you feel doesn’t matter.
The privileges that go with leading are usually overstated. In fact, leaders give up more rights than they gain. Another blog lists The Five Rights We Give Up To Lead.
Another right leaders give up is the right to do what we feel.
The leader of this team believed he still had the right to do what he felt like doing. He also believed his team was following him, when in fact all they were doing was complying.
In this environment, the team walks on egg shells, avoids telling the boss bad news, and rarely trusts the leader. It is the sign of an immature leader.
Three Times Your Feelings Are Irrelevant
1. I Don’t Feel Like It
“I have a bad day now and then. That’s normal.”
We all have lives outside of work. Those lives do bleed into our work day. But, for a leader, whether I “feel like it” or not is irrelevant.
- Whether I feel like being upbeat or not, a leader needs to have a good attitude.
- Whether I feel like addressing a difficult issue or not, a leader must step up and speak.
- Whether I feel like stopping my work to serve another employee or not, as a leader I must put others before my feelings.
2. It’s Just Who I Am
“I have always worn my emotions on my sleeve.”
It is true that some people have a shorter fuse than others. We were all created differently. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. But many times our biggest strengths become our biggest weaknesses. They are Two Sides Of The Same Coin.
Most people have the ability to control their emotions. Those that TRULY do not have that ability are likely in need of counseling and medication.
For the rest of us, “It’s just who I am” is an excuse to not work at improving ourselves. When I become a leader, my emotional nature becomes irrelevant. I must strive to control my emotions and not be controlled by them.
3. I Like/Dislike Them
“He just gets on my nerves. He annoys me every time we speak. I can’t get past it.”
We all find some people easier to like than others. People with similar personalities and similar backgrounds are easy to connect with. But there are some people we may never connect with.
As a leader, whether I like or dislike someone is irrelevant when it comes down to leading them. I must fight the natural tendency to display partiality. I have to ignore my feelings and treat every person with respect and in a fair manner.
This comes down to a leader being disciplined enough to control his personal feelings about the person. If a leader will not control those impulses, that is a sign of immaturity and a character issue.
The Bottom Line:
The examples I cite above are all excuses. When a leader makes these excuses, the leader displays a level of immaturity that most of us would not condone in our children.
As leaders, we volunteered to give up some of our rights in order to lead others. One of the personal rights we give up is the right to make decisions based on our feelings.
As a Leader of Character, I must recognize when my feelings are irrelevant. When I can consistently do that, I am maturing and growing as a leader.
Question:
What other feelings get in the way of being an effective leader?
I think what you are talking about is Emotional Intelligence, the ability to recognize one’s feelings and manage his/her response
They do overlap don’t they. EQ is a great tool to learn about and use.