Yes is one word.  It is one word that can please so many and also let so many people down.  I struggle to say No.  No does not come easily, but it has saved me and saved my credibility more than once.

I am sure I am not alone.  I often commit to a good project or a good cause due to my desire to please others.  I, like many other people who over-commit themselves, end up damaging relationships rather than strengthening them.

Saying “Yes” can be an affliction

Over-Commitment Hurts My Credibility

I have been over-committed in my past.  I will probably over-commit again in the future.  However, I know I must continue to fight the urge to say Yes when I need to say No.  Why?

Each time I do not fulfill my commitments it hurts my credibility and the level of trust others have in me. I have to be very careful what I say Yes to or else I could become a nice guy that no one can count on. 

That’s what happens when people suffer from this affliction.  The inability to know when to say No makes me the weak link in a work or personal relationship because I can not be trusted to fulfill my commitments.

Two Keys To Avoid Over-Commitment

1.  Define My Commitment

With every commitment I make, I put my integrity on the line.  My integrity is one of the few things in my life I have absolute control over.  Therefore, I must be clear in defining what I am committing to so I do not fall short.

I must pause and determine exactly the role I will be playing.  Too many times, I have committed to something that grew well beyond what I thought I committed to. This can happen at work or at home.

What will this commitment cost me?  There are always costs.  A new commitment can take time away from other commitments or relationships.  I may have to pass on future opportunities in order to fulfill this commitment.

Is this commitment more important than other commitments I already have?  Where does it land?  Before I say Yes, I need to be sure I answer these questions and decide what I am willing to sacrifice to fulfill the new commitment.

To read more about establishing priorities click on the blog title below:

2015 Goal Setting – A Simple Model

2.  Communicate My Commitment

Sometimes I have done what I thought I committed to, but ended up letting people down anyway.  Therefore, once I have defined the commitment with myself, I must communicate my commitment with others who are involved.

Before I say Yes to coaching my son’s flag football team, I need to be sure I am clear on the schedule and my son is perfectly clear on my level of involvement.

If I just say Yes to coaching, but fail to communicate to my son that I will miss at least one practice per week, I will let him down.  But, if I communicate that up front, then we both have expectations that are aligned.

Many times in business, I have committed without clearly laying out my level of involvement.  While my co-workers had one set of expectations for my role, I had another.  When I thought I was fulfilling my commitment, I was actually damaging my credibility.

My point is, it does not matter what I think I committed to do.  It is my responsibility to be sure my expectations are aligned with the expectations of the other party. 

I must communicate my commitment verbally and at times in writing so everyone is clear.  Clarity on all sides prevents me from over-committing and falling short of the expectations of others.

The Bottom Line:

Over-commitment during the holidays is an annual ritual at home.  Sometimes it is me, sometimes it is my wife.  But, each time we overcommit and let people down we do damage to the relationships we are trying to strengthen.

At work, saying Yes to another project or another meeting can drag me down as well.  I have often let my over-commitment at work negatively effect my commitments at home.  Instead of letting people down at work, I let down my family.  What was I thinking?

I did not come up with these keys to avoiding over-commitment.  I adapted them from John Hawkins book Leadership as a Lifestyle.  He does not separate being a leader at work from being a leader at home.

One of the things Hawkins makes clear is that a leader’s track record for fulfilling his commitments is critical to building his credibility.  He does not differentiate whether this is critical at work or at home.  It is critical in both places.

When I tell people I will do something, they expect me to do it.  I need to be sure I am careful to not over-commit myself by defining and communicating my commitments both at work and at home.

If I do that, I am not only protecting and strengthening my integrity, I am also setting a positive example for my colleagues at work and more importantly my family at home.

Question:

What do you need to do to avoid getting over-committed in the future?